hmm... i dono why i being such emo these days... is it because of like wat in the previous blog's comments ? because of a girl ? or is it because of my hamster ? i'm totally confuse... hmm.. or is it because i dint really sleep for 23th night till today ? i really dono... hmm.. why i can't sleep ? i'm speechless for that cos i think i'm totally idoit n stupid !!! sigh.. 1st time i done this kind of stupid thing...
life gotta be very tough for me this coming semester.. i got 6 core subjects n all of them are like " God Like " to me... hmm.. hopefully i can manage it... early this morning i printed the notes.. planned to go through tomorrow lecture but i was totally out of the mood to do so.. hmm... terrible me !!!
there are thousands and thousand of question marks in my brain now ! my tots all full with " ??" hopefully i won't collapse because of this "??" sign... hmmm...
n yeah.. u must be thinking wat am i crap-ing now.. i can ensure u that i also dono wat am i saying now...hmpffff.... me = weird + stupidz + unless + nobody !!!!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
emo again~
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heehee, u wonder who i m? doesn matter ! u already have so many question marks in your head, so dont ask any more questions!! start finding answers!! and confused people like you are capable of doing crazy things, so i m protecting my myself and so my identity:P but since u ask: say im ur uninvited guardian angel who hope u will find answers :)
let me introduce myself:
a simple person who cares n wil do crazy stuff like this, haha. u may find me familiarly annoying soon, coz i bet at least 1 other person (remember about wad i mentioned about those u might be taking for granted in ur previous post?)in ur life now, gives u a huge lot of 'philosophy', explains like a train and makes u think, lists out options for you, says they pray for you, and brings u back to the same topic which u hate so much! simply because it is the root to all ur suffering. well, my guardian angel did all that to me, so expect me to do just the same to you :) you r blessed, coz if i am correct about u already having one other person who 'nags'n make u 'face it', u'd have 2 persons who really care! but if i am wrong, nvm, i wont give up on you anyway.
cant help thinking there is a some1 else, because, as far as i know, people wont get as confused as the way u r now over jus one person and two tiny hamsters :)u can cleverly hide details or tell half the story in ur blog, but the learned eye can see tru it:),more or less...
so,i jus hoped by one day n saw ur very 'felt' blog, n thought it's no harm for me to share wad i learned from my past...i m back in ur blog again today, coz i knew u probably had not dealt with what you know u should quickly :)and yes, U WILL COLLAPS if u keep it on your head and pretend it is not there!! it will affect your studies, sports, and future. i know. i'v been tru.
Listen to me. I know ur poor hamsters is a blow to you-like all the bad things happening at the same time. But let me shed some light n share my insight of all that is happening to you. it looks more like a good sign more than a bad one, if u see the big picture. hopefully it will help clear some of your '??'. this looks almost God-sent!perhaps u are already too cooked up by ur confusion, that God has to send u a real life drama to shake u up! better thank God for His sign to u, to be safe. U don't want to try taking God for granted!:)
U see, hamster A died, and u know it is. hamster B, is missing, but we do not know if it is dead or not, tho logically, most likely, but not definitely, it may be around somewhere, may live on, or may die later without u knowing...(sorry, ur hamsters are Chinese, pardon me if i m not respectful wif labels A n B, i rmbr its xiobai and 'menu'?omg )
2 hamsters=2 loves.
1 is already dead.
the other, we don't know.
A- u will mourn, but u cannot mourn forever! life must go on! after all she causes u so much pain, but she will not know it. even if she does, i bet she enjoys playing with ur feelings n controlling you this way. so u may be moved if she suddenly sms to you some mysterious romantic language, but don't be stupid. it's an entangling trap. plus (jus sum additional advice just in case, if she is your ex, stick to it, of course remain as just friends, but make up your mind and put your foot down! don't try to look for her, and don't hope anymore), find someone else more worthy of your love. i don't know, but it is possible u may have taken her for granted in the past unknowingly, so if that is the case, well, u know there is the saying that u reap what u sow...that will be realistically quite hard to ever repair. The best thing to do is not to repeat the same mistake. Again, this is all in 'if's', i don't know everything about u and ur past :)
hamster B-missing= the missing love-as long as you never know it is dead for sure, u can always have hope it will return. however, u need to be realistic, i'm not sure of a hamster life-span (2 years?), but after certain years, u can assume it is dead already.
Likewise for this love, whatever it is. If you don't cherish it enough, it may be lost before u know it, before u even know how u feel(desperate and trully hopeless perhaps?). well, i did notice that u wrote quite a big deal about hamster A (u really thought it was most special?) poor B, if it has feelings and could read ur blog, it will be very sad, especially if it came back to you alive. Only then, will u realize it is more special all the while because it survived the odds??despite how u regarded it in the past, maybe just a more ordinary hamster?
Actually i am not sure if this is 'the someone u took forgranted', if she really exist-u might want to patiently seek her out from her hiding and stop being a jerk to her:) i kinda envision a hamster quietly hiding somewhere under your bookshelf, looking out with its little eyes hoping u will look there, yet wondering if you would think it is dead and give up...
or, it can be a totally different story of the future...only u know everything :)
lastly, i don't think u r stupid, useless, or nobody! stupid people think they can live alone on mars and that they don't need love or anyone. u are useless if u are in uni thinking that everthing is easy. u may be nobody to just that 1 person, and half the world population whom u never met, but u r somebody to many people, somebody in God's eyes, somebody significant to the Someone else (if i am correct) :)
sharing with u this much of what i know and understand. But again, the choice is yours to make. well, even if u feel like an out-cast now, surely this experience is a life lesson, if you learn from it well, it will definitely make you wiser still :)
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